Ray Peacock

Good evening! Ray Peacock here, bringing my warm Northern Sensibilities into your cold fucked up shit Southern lives!! How about that for a treat? Now, i've got this questionaire thing and i am going to answer it as well as i can - just get me reading glasses...and off we go...

Do you ever regret going into comedy?
I don't do comedy, I do talks, public speaking, that kind of affair - I educate people. It's my duty as an intellectually superior being.

What makes you want to make people laugh?
Money. It tops up my redundancy.

.Is there a routine by anyone else that you wish you'd written?
A lot of people don't know this - but I actually write most peoples material for them anyway. So in a very real sense - when you watch ANY comedian you are actually watching me.

Have you ever nicked anyone else's material?
I occasionally borrow some of the material back...

Who makes you laugh and who are your heroes?
There's a bloke in Leeds that wanders around convinced he's a bus driver. He wears green and everything. He drags a brick around on a lead. I remember one day trying to humour him and saying "I like your dog". he looked at me like I was mad and said "It's not dog - it's a brick". And then as he walked off - i swear he turned to the brick and said "fooled him didn't we Rover?"

Have you ever said or done anything on stage that you really regretted?
I once won a competition back in the seventies to do a little spot at the Childrens royal variety Show. I was in between Lennie Bennett and Brotherhood of Man. During my spot I accidentally called the Queen Mother a cunt. That was me on the lilo when I got home.

What is your favourite routine / joke that you do?
It was actually that one at the Royal variety I just mentioned - people do overreact to these things. She didn't even realise I'd said it - I think she was drunk.

. Is there anything that you've done that you thought was really funny but no-one laughed?
Not in a show, but i once fell about laughing whilst watching the disabled edition of "We are the champions" - they had blind children trying to hit targets - hilarious - really good telly. And it's always a treat seeing 'special' kids trying to do sport.

Is there anything that you wouldn't joke about?
I think I may have just answered that question.

Are you happy with the way your career is heading and where would you like it to go?
I'd like to do the Royal Variety again - you know - bury the demons. The Queen Mum will probably be dead by then - so my last faux pas won't be remembered.

Any big ambitions for the future?
I might try and be Lord Mayor of London again next time round...I forgot to post my form last time...the main point of my manifesto is to get london Chippies to do chips and gravy. And is it too much trouble when you buy chips and peas to get them to actually put the peas over the chips? rather than give them you seperately in a little pot. They make you do everything down here.

What is the drunkest you've ever been?
Royal variety again.

Have you ever loved somebody so much it made you cry?
When I woke up with Princess Margaret after the Royal variety I admit I shed a few tears...she seemed happy enough though.

Blanket or Stuffed Animal?
Blanket every time - and i can't be doing with bloody quilts - just laziness.

Dumper or Dumpee?
I haven't got a clue what that means...Is it a toilet reference?

Favourite Quote(s) from a movie?
"That's enough!! That's enough..." Brian Glover in American Werewolf. A sorely missed man - and used to live next door but one to me in leeds.

Favourite Sesame Street Character?
Snuffleupagus (or whatever it's called) - has a look of my ex-wife.

What do you do most often when you are bored?
Start fights. A much underrated pastime.

What words or phrases do you overuse?
Although I have a rich and varied vocabulary I tend to say Fuck a lot.

What is your most philosophical thought?
Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn.