7.05am - We arrive at the "world-famous" Capital FM building, the home of 104.9 XFM at just gone 7am and once buzzed through the door are greeted by the sight of five other XFM listeners, all taking part in this morning's show for various reasons, who have also clearly never been up at such a ridiculous hour before.

Three of them are here to take part in "She's Scalectrix", the ingeniously named competition to decide which of them will be leaving with a pair of tickets to see Oasis at their pre-Albert Hall warm-up gig. Two other girls have taken Christian up on his appeal for some pitstop babes to put the cars back on the track if they slide off and then there's us. And we're here to see what really happens behind the mikes at the XFM breakfast session.

7.25am - We are collected from reception by the producer of the show, Roque, the man behind the walkie talkie and whose job it is to ensure the smooth running of the show. He squeezes us into the lift, which seems to be pumping in Capital radio, and we get out as quickly as possible once it reaches our floor. We head down the corridor and straight ahead of us we can see the man himself, live on air and looking a little confused that we have brought helium balloons with us.

7.27am - We are ushered into a small room next to the studio with a window through which we can peer at Christian and Chris, but none of the listeners seem to know which is which until the unpredictable host of the breakfast session tells one poor Oasis fan to "get the f*ck away from the window." This matter is now resolved.

7.31am - Halfway through the news bulletin Roque interrupts via walkie talkie to tell them that the news is "too long" and that Chris is not to do the travel. This is all apparently part of the advanced producers course that Roque has recently been sent on.

7.36am - Alan calls in to complain that travel wasn't included in the news, and also to tell Christian that the show is "wizard". Christian, a little bemused, is rightly not quite sure how to react but seems to take this as a compliment.

7.40am - Richard Digence is mentioned in passing. Susan, possibly confused by a lack of sleep, reveals that she has, against her will, seen Michael Barrymore live. Sharon wonders how quickly she can learn web design.

7.41am - We begin to feel like voyeurs as we stare through the window into the studio. It's a bit like being at the zoo, and we all have to resist the urge to tap at the window to make them move. We listen to the show on an old radio, which keeps losing reception, despite the fact that the show is being broadcast from the next room. At one point, the reception is so bad that we are forced to lip read.

7.44am - "Dead Famous" - this is the part of the show when they play a montage of clips in memory of a person or institution that has passed on and the adoring listeners have to phone in if they know the answer and want to win a live Ash video. This week, to tie in with the release of the last quarter's listening figures, they pay tribute to Virgin radio who lost over a quarter of a million listeners due to the thankfully-now-sacked Steve "Penky" Penk.

7.45am - We are all brought into the studio, and Christian plugs comedylounge.co.uk and to our absolute horror is expecting us to speak out loud on the radio. He tries to get us to justify ours and the website's existence by asking who we have already featured on the site.

"Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant"
"Oh. So I'm next then..?"
"We did ask you first."

7.52am - The long-awaited announcement is made. The Christian O'Connell breakfast session on XFM is now officially the 15th biggest radio breakfast show in London. Christian is absolutely delighted that they are now "in the winner's enclosure". He asks listeners to ring in with other things that are also 15th in other lists. Througout the show, suggestions include the following...

Hazardous Substances - Trichloroethylene
College Slang Terms - "Chick"
Cat - Torte Point Himalayan Persian Female
Chicken - Japanese Silky
Rollercoaster - The Mamba
Actress - Cameron Diaz
Actor - Joe Peschi
Film - Jaws

7.53am - It is exactly seven years to the day that Richey Edwards from the Manic Street Preachers went missing and Christian's mind goes into overdrive, telling us off air that Chris does a great welsh accent. This culminates in the assembled rubble taking a vote as to whether Chris should come on the phone lines posing as Richey and give XFM his first interview since his disappearance. We vote "yes".

7.54am - Christian announces this exclusive on air and asks the listeners to phone in with any questions they would like to put to him but the idea has to be dropped when at 7.57am a listener phones in to lodge a complaint (she says the joke was "completely horrible"). Whilst Roque is still on the phone to her, trying to suppress his giggles, Christian shouts across, "has she got a question for Richey". Roque is now unable to speak.

7.56am - The first round of the Oasis competition, "Shaker Maker" is played to whittle the contestants down to the two who will battle it out on the track. This involves Chris leaving the room with three cans of lager, shaking one violently, coming back in and getting the contestants to select a can and open it up against their own face. Ian, the first contestant to have a go, loses spectacularly when the beer covers the entire studio.

Not wanting to make us feel left out, Roque hands us each a can of lager. Susan, nicknamed "Boozy Suzy" at university, stupidly opens hers and starts to drink whereas Sharon, who is always more sensible when it comes to matters of alcohol and has a 5 hour train journey ahead of her, puts hers down beside her.

7.58am - Christian tells the girls to have "a bit of a practice" on the scalectrix, presumably because they are only girls. He cracks open a can of what he asks us to call "performance enhancing health drink", but which looks suspiciously similar to the can of drink Sharon had put on the floor.

8.03am - The Oasis competition turns out to be a slight anti-climax with none of the contestants really seeming that bothered or even excited at the fact that they could be going to see Oasis, for free, at a smaller than usual venue. Can't blame them really. If the other three listeners had turned up, there were a few other rounds in the Oasis competition which could have been played. "Gas panic" and "Bring it on down", the latter involving contestants running to the top of a flight of stairs and "bringing down" items which had been left up there. Do you see?

8.11am - Someone calls in with the url for a Prison Bitch name generator. Christian is "sweet lips" and Chris is "gay boy".

8.15am - Chris goes online to read comedylounge, and checks the TV and Radio section.

Chris: "At least we're above Virgin."
Roque: "C'mon. Bitchiness never comes across well in print."

8.17am - Off air, Christian tells the pitstop babes he is going to have a chat to them during the next link. They nervously ask Chris if he has any idea what he's going to ask them. Chris sighs and says "Never."

8.18am - Now 15th in the breakfast charts, Christian declares that he is now "so famous, I need a bodyguard."

8.26am - Unfortunately Christian has forgotten to play the Sterephonics. What a shame.

8.35am - In a bid to attract Chris's attention whilst the mikes are live, Roque throws a small packet of sugar at him. This is far more high-tech than we could possibly have dreamt.

8.49am - Roque reports that Mark has just rung to say "actually you're quite funny." Christian screams "PUT THAT IN YOUR ARTICLE!" at us.

8.56am - Ricky Gervais calls in to tell them that the number fifteen is 15th in the number alphabet. Roque hangs up on him saying, "There's a time for socialising and there's a time for working."

9.07am - Christian demands that one of the "mumblies" from Comedylounge comes to the mic, and asks how they compare to other shows we have featured. Sharon makes the grave mistake of saying the words "Jon Holmes" and immediately Christian starts screaming and demands her notebook, which he takes and reads out on air. He then tears up the pages. Roque throws us both out of the studio, even though Susan was sitting very quietly and behaving herself.

9.09am - When they finish the linke we go back in and Sharon asks for her notes back. Christian wordlessly hands her the bin.

9.10am - We stop taking notes, and for the rest of the programme are referred to as "the two chipmunks from Comedy Lounge".

9.15am - We have a bit of a dance in the room nextdoor and then go back into the studio to behave ourselves and get in the way as little as possible.