The Filthy Gibbons

We asked the questions. Three of them provided the answers.

Do you ever regret going into comedy?

TOM: Any occupation in which you get free booze for talking is great!
TIM: I don’t think I’ve even started yet.
JOE: Yes.

What makes you want to make people laugh?

TOM: Pure altruism.
TIM: CJD
JOE: Because something magical happens when I make people laugh (it's like someone puts a lighter to my cigarrete.)

Is there a routine by anyone else that you wish you'd written?

TOM: The One Legged Tarzan by Pete and Dud (we're on first name terms). That and Lobsters Up the Arsehole. In fact, anything by Pete and Dud.
TIM: Bernie Clifton and his ostrich. That’s an area of the market that man has cornered. That and Right Said Fred.
JOE: Bernie Clifton and his Ostrich.

Have you ever nicked anyone else's material?

TOM: I am ashamed to admit that I used a John Maloney joke to get through to the regional finals of the Cup-a-Soup Comedy Challenge. I didn't realise that you were only meant to tell 'gags', and had prepared a 15 minute set, all general nonsense, but with no real one-liners. When it came to the night, the compere just went around asking punters to tell general sexist, racist pub jokes. I'd just been listening to Maloney that day, and managed to feebly recite a couple of his, and rake out a few old ones I'd written, but I just felt so dirty when I found out I'd come second. I still feel dirty to this day. Especially when I'm drinking Cup-a-Soup. I know that Joe nicked some doilies once, but I don't know what sort of material they were. Joe?
TIM: I don’t think any material is ever truly original, except for the true comedy legends. I mean the amount of stuff I nick…
JOE: Er, yeah. I got sacked from a restaurant once, because my boss accused me of stealing Two thousand five hundred paper doilies. I said what would I want with 2500 paper doilies? He told me I might want to make a shirt with them, and then I told him I could decorate a council flat with that many paper doilies. I would just like to say that that man was a raving Northern bald wierdo.

Who makes you laugh and who are your heroes?

TOM: My heroes are Adam and Joe, Jim Henson and the Grumbleweeds. Mr Pinchey the Lobster makes me laugh. He is a figment of my imagination.
TIM: Jim Henson and Lorraine Kelly
JOE: The Chuckle Brothers, and Lorraine Kelly.

Have you ever said or done anything on stage that you really regretted?

TOM: Unfortunately, I'm from Norwich, home of the Norwich Arts Centre, where Richie Manic sliced "4-Real" into his arm with a razor-blade after Steve Lamacq said something mocking about the Manic Street Preachers not believing in the ideals that they promoted. I did a bit about what Richie could've written instead, so as to be more constructive, such as "Must remember to put out milk". If you've ever been to Norwich, you'd understand why Richie was so upset. I don't think that I should've said all this at a fund-raising event for Fuse FM radio though...
TIM: I once told 42 “My wife gone to the West Indies. Jamaica? No she went of her own accord” style jokes in sharp succession. Oh dear.
JOE: I once announced in a school fundraising event, to Frank Bruno that I was arranging a illegal heavybout for him and Herbie Hide (A Norwich Boxer), and he should make a move now because Herbie was coming, unless he wanted to be destroyed.

What is your favourite routine / joke that you do?

TIM: “My wife” jokes JOE: Routine?

Is there anything that you've done that you thought was really funny but no-one laughed?

TOM: We had a character called Bobby Davros, the Stand-up Dalek. He did impressions in the Bobby Davro style, but with a Davros the Dalek voice, such as "Ooh Betty, I've done a whoopsy on the cat. Hmm, that must've lost something in translation into Dalek." All of the voices sounded the same, which was the gag, er, and I had to hold a plunger up to my forehead. It was painful being on stage doing that.
TIM: My wife jokes

Is there anything that you wouldn't joke about?

TOM: Donkeys. They are sacred!
TIM: I feel the same way about pandas. And Lorraine Kelly.

Are you happy with the way your career is heading and where would you like it to go?

TOM: My career in comedy is cruising happilily higgledy-piggledy like. My career in admin on the other hand is seriously doing my crust in.
TIM: I am fumbling through the world of entertainment, Gary Glitter style. I think I need a direction
JOE: Career is a nice word, thankyou.

Any big ambitions for the future?

TOM: We're hoping to go on tour and do the Edinburgh Festival this year. We've got a whole new show, We Didn't Want To Be Bad Kids - TV Made Us Do It. It's about being influenced by television, but not just violently. One of our characters wants to be Jeremy Clarkson. I can't think of a more insidious influence. One of our gigs will hopefully be the Norwich Arts Centre.
TIM: I’m trying to line up gigs in Jerusalem, Che Stadium, in front of the Sphinx, Red Square and Mount Rushmore. I feel we haven’t explored our potential as a stadium comedy line up yet. I am also looking into pyrotechnics. Oh and I want to be Craig David’s lyricist. He is a dandy chap, if ever I met one.
JOE: Transport minister for Norway. Oh, and world domination.

What is the drunkest you've ever been?

TOM: I managed to steal a bus seat when I was drunk once. I hid it under my coat. It wasn't a very big coat, but it did the job.
TIM: I’ve thrown up in my ex-girlfriends mothers’ car. Oops. When it was summer and it heated up in their you could still smell real ale.
JOE: After a nghts heavy drinking I woke up in Bradford. On a golf course.

Have you ever loved somebody so much it made you cry?

TOM: Bella Emberg - she never returned any of my calls. Dave Gorman also makes me cry, but he answers my calls, so I don't cry as much
TIM: I loved Gary Lineker in Italia 90 and when we were knocked out I cried myself to sleep. I was 8.
JOE: Michael Fish. Ask him.

Blanket or Stuffed Animal?

TOM: Had you said Blunket, I would've been impressed. Plunket moreso. As it is, I suppose I must vouch for the Stuffed Animal. It doesn't get much sympathy in these bitter modern times of ours.
TIM: Do you mean the sort of stuffed animal people mount on walls. I don’t think that is either safe for animals or nice for children. Blanket
JOE: Has to be a stuffed blanket, or stuffed Blunket even!

Dumper or Dumpee?

TOM: Is this a bottom reference? Oops! I completely misconstrued your inquiry - what you really meant was, am I a poor, sad, disposable boyfriend? Yes, that would be me.
TIM: When a girlfriend says to me the ominous words “I think we need to talk…” I reply with "You’re dumped" ASAP.
JOE: Same as Tom.

Favourite Quote(s) from a movie?

TOM: Ghostbusters - "TEST SUBJECT: You can keep your five bucks! VENKMAN: I will, mister!" I don't know why, but I like it. I also like it in Slacker when the girl trying to sell the Madonna pap-smear says "Well, I'm just a material girl in a material world." And that line the convict says "This is a message to all you under paid workers of the world - every item that you produce is a piece of your own death!" In fact, I could probably quote the entire film, but it might infringe on certain copyright laws, so I'd better not.
TIM: Back to the Future. DOC: “Roads. Where we’re going we don’t need roads”
JOE: 'Braveheart' - "Aaaaaaaaaah".

Favourite Sesame Street Character?

TOM: The Cookie Monster. He's such a tragic character. Every time he tries to eat a cookie, it falls out of his mouth because it's sewn up! No wonder he's so boggle eyed poor thing.
TIM: I like them all except Elmo who should be shot for lowering the tone, ruining any chance Oscar has of scoring whilst living on the street, and killing the high intellectual content of the show.
JOE: Big bird. Huge battery farm potential.

What do you do most often when you are bored?

TOM: Have you ever tried faking an acid flashback in the middle of a busy shopping mall? That's one of my favourites! Or sending pornographic postcards to members of parliament. That's fun too.
TIM: My Commodore 64 keeps me happy. Very Happy.
JOE: I keep myself happy.

What words or phrases do you overuse?

TOM: There I am, getting down with the better part of myself...
TIM: I met this girl, took her for a drink on Tuesday, and we were making love on Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday and Saturday we chilled on Sunday.
JOE: No I wasn't, I was actually itching my inner thigh.

What is your most philosophical thought?

TOM: I think that if you stare long enough into the abyss the abyss won't stare back as it doesn't have any eyes. Also, just because we think, it doesn't mean we are. Just look at Jim Davidson. He doesn't think, yet he still is. How does that work? Tell me that! Also, who ever suggested Hulk Hogan for the lead role in Suburban Commando? It should've obviously gone to Macho Man Randy Savage. Life's a box of sexually transmitted diseases - you never know what you're gunna get next.
TIM: Every one of us has a Fred Savage inside, waiting to clamber out.
JOE: God gave rock and roll to us.

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